Supplement...

This wasn't to make people feel sorry for me - "All things work together for good..." Because I am called for His purpose. It's just hope is hard to see sometimes - and I needed to put the thoughts on electric paper...

Hmm - a man going on a long trip. He called together his servants and entrusted his money to them while he was gone

I’ve been gone, and coming home when I can –for nearly a year at this time. And it still hurts amazingly bad, I suppose I’d feel guilty if it didn’t. The boys and Logan greet me affectionately and happily, and it is so important for me, the puzzle piece, to feel I fit back into my puzzle.

I do need to do more to connect with what’s left of my friends/family. For me it’s been more like 4 years since I’ve seen some people, some parts of my life I loved doing – that are gone, or broken or changed beyond recognition. In the last year I’ve lost so many family members, and have started my thoughts for Lorance now.

And I have tried to send the family to praise fellowship – for the boys needs to be met, even as I feel guilty over the continued spiral of my church home. I got called a few weeks ago about Scout Sunday at BUMC – and realized at this point there are no other scouts there. Changing feels weird - C. so needs to find her worker bee role in church, that may take time in a new place, but she has an actual God-given talent, that might be enough to start with.

But the real question on my mind is how often I feel like the ‘Hard man in the talent parable’ in Matt 25:14-30 the guy who leaves his people with varying amounts to care for and invest while he’s gone – I return from my journey and expect family life to continue, home to be homier, rooms to be more setup, things to be painted, or cleaned – The home progressing, and awaiting it’s masters arrival. There are few things more frustrating than cleaning, and searching for bills first thing I get home. It is so hard to feel I sacrifice, living alone, in the camper and feel no one is taking advantage of being home – of reconnecting with friends, and family, church life, scouts (4^th) all of it.

Tough to live in the moment, when things need to be done - and resentment doesn't help. One more thing to give back to God every morning...

News...

1 - It's a miserable week, Lorance's cancer has progressed and he seems to be prepared for the next stage of life. It was great to see him (He came out to CT. last time I was home) - even got together at the chinese buffet as I left for Fl.

2 - I will be home (through White Plains) Friday night late. T3 is hanging out at First Cong. Saturday and has Scout Sunday at Center Congregational. T4 isn't doing anything I think.

3 - The family plans on spending the last week in July in Willaimsburg, Va. at Dawn's timeshare - from there we will go to Jambo for a day or two.

4 - Work is ok.

5 - I took Commissioner Training down here last week, a gung ho bunch of older Scouters - And I was not inspired by the whole quietly inspect unit's and fill out forms. If you'd have asked me five years ago, I'd have thought the commish's were a club for the older scouters - helping with camp-o-ree's and other events. I have been assigned a Troop and Pack (and maybe crew) at the Methodist church I've been to twice. Maybe it will feel more innocuous as I do it.