Other Marriage thoughts.

Wedding Fortnight thoughts...Simple. When you're sorry - say you're sorry. Mean it, let it go, and don't dig it up later. Like lying - resentment requires too much brain power and memory, those who live in truth and forgiveness are so much freer - they have space in there heads to remember things like "Scooby Doo villains" and pokemon evolution stuff...

And when someone asks for forgiveness - think about the commitment of it for you, as well. Grace has a cost, even for little old us. When they ask for this event or disagreement to be washed away, and you can, then let that go as well. The hurt doesn't vanish, but it will fade, if you both grow past it.

Actual forgiveness takes work. Often it's "Death to pride" on one side, and putting down your "hammer of righteousness" on the other.

Imminent Wedding Thoughts (2 Weeks and a day). One of the most important and useful skill in marriage is not found in the Kama Sutra, it's this: Active Listening, rather than waiting for your turn to speak. We waste more time begging to be heard, repeating the same point over and over, we stand a wave our flag and we insist on validation and that we're making "points". What is your partner actually asking? Is there really a disagreement at all?

We all want, we need to be right - but in fact, we spend an immense amount of time looking for "our tribe" for people like us. Well you've found one, you've made a tribe - they chose you - you're on the same team. Now, you need to be sure that you support and validate each other. There is an immense amount of common ground, if you look around.

And the final important part of this "Active listening" is to be sure you're speaking about the same things...Stop and think, "Where did this discussion start?" and "Have we addressed that?" If you have addressed the issue, can you short circuit the navel gazing, and old disagreements that are fruitless... The last part can be really hard, as hard as patiently actually listening.

Impending Wedding thought (16 to go) - Read "The five love Languages" whether you are a person of faith or not. Spend some time figuring out which acts of Love resonate with your spouse. Don't waste years buying or making small gifts, when your beloved is so in tune with, and appreciative of, your words of support and affection. 
(You're a guy, and it's sort of a manual - read/skim it)

Impending Wedding Thought of the day (17 to go). How many times have I told my kids that "Fair is for the weak" - Be merciful, be just, be gracious, do the right thing...Be the better man. Self interest never inspires, but those other choices just might.

Thought of the day (18 to go) - We shouldn't get married for a feeling, but with a promise. As time goes by, we may not feel like putting someone else first, but emotions aside, it's a matter of will. I promised, forever. My God and I will be stronger than my selfishness, my laziness and my pride.

Thought of the day (19 more) - You are not promised or doomed to the marriages you grew up watching. Your promises are creating something completely new and special. No one else has ever been in the family you're building - it's brand new, and special.

 — feeling optimistic.